So, yeah, the semester kind of caught up with me. Let's recap the end of the semester, shall we?
Teaching:
As the semester began to wrap up, teaching became a bit more difficult. I wasn't as on the ball with prep or grading, and while I don't think it was a huge problem, it definitely made my life much more stressful. My students struggled a lot with the first paper assignment; I had to deal about seven or eight failing grades. The other assignments improved, which was nice, and most students fared well on the final exam. I will certainly miss a lot of my students, and the chances of getting any of my favorite students again next semester are slim to none. I'm still teaching intro, but the second semester is the cell/molecular/micro/awesome semester. That means all of the students who AP'ed out of semester 1 are signed up; there's a waitlist to get into a class with a 600 student cap.
Rotations:
My first rotation ended somewhat well; I managed to get some primer designs in before the rotation ended. I wish I'd had more time to spend in the rotation. I'm not having that problem with my second rotation, which I'm liking a LOT less. I've already been more productive, I think; I've run a couple of qPCRs and next week, I'll be getting a lot of work done. Too bad I just don't like the lab.
Classes:
Biochemistry ended quite poorly, mood-wise. I didn't do as well on the second test as I did on the first one, which is fine. But I studied my ass off for the final, and it was absolutely ridiculous! As in, "WHAT, how would I have known to study this?!" All nine of us walked out of there shell-shocked. He had our final class grades up by that evening, and about half the class had failed (B- or less). WELL THEN. Everyone panicked for the next 24 hours, at which point we all got individual emails from the professor apologizing for miscalculating the final grades. So no one failed, but no one studied for molecular biology ...
So I didn't do so hot on that exam. But I managed to get As in both classes. This isn't just a first for me to have a 4.0 (although it's a first for me). I've NEVER gotten As in university-level science classes. Ever. Ever. No, really. Yes, obviously studying pays off, and I've learned my lesson, etc. Whatever. Still can't believe it.
Personal life:
Physical therapy is going well. I run on the treadmill most of the time that I'm there, but I made the mistake of running a 12-minute mile on Tuesday. I know that's actually pretty slow, but for me, I used to have to work up to 12-minute miles. My legs weren't sore, but wow, my cardio is not up for that. Meanwhile, swelling is still a major problem, but it's slowly becoming less and less of an issue. I'm finally sleeping under the covers at home, instead of on top of them so I can elevate all night.
I've been spending a lot of time with A. and S., which has been a lot of fun. Haven't seen my friends from home as much, sadly, or friends from college. I'm psyched to go visit my friend Am. soon, though! Great way to spend winter break: catching up with a great friend, and NOT going to rotation. Ahahahahaha. My money says that we'll plan to go out a lot and have fun, but end up just staying in, lounging, hanging out, playing video games and watching movies and TV. I absolutely CANNOT wait. Am. is one of probably three people responsible for getting me through 2011, and I don't know what I'd do without her.
I started seeing someone, J., back in mid-November (I went out with him on a date instead of studying for the exam I had the next evening--whatever, I got an A). Thanksgiving got in the way a bit, but after the holiday, things kind of picked up. He's really great; honestly, the only flaw I can find so far is that he doesn't like Nutella. Seriously. Not that I want winter break to end, but it'll be nice when the holidays are over and I'm back from vacation and we don't have to wait to see each other because of this or that holiday/break commitment.
Other:
My bird is the cutest thing ever. Also, I'm Monica Geller-ing the apartment; I now have a clean stove and a clean tub/shower with a new shower curtain. I am magic.
Next semester:
When next semester begins, I'll still be in the middle of my current rotation; that'll be the case until early February. I'll be taking two classes in addition to TFing again: Advanced Cell Biology and Biochemistry and Physiology of Reproduction. S. is joining A. and me, teaching intro lab, so I can imagine our grading parties are going to be quite ridiculous. If this semester is any indication of things to come, next semester will probably fly by.
Meanwhile, time for the family holiday tradition: Chinese food and a movie! Man, I love being Jewish.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Oh, the longest week ever
Monday:
Columbus Day. Rested most of the day, but then went to my rotation lab to do some PCRs. There was no T for about 30 minutes, so I gave up and walked to campus. After that, I went to a dinner party one of my classmates had. It was a BLAST. Then walked home from the Fenway at, like, 11pm, whoops.
Tuesday:
Up at 7am for 8am PT. Then I walked a mile and a half to campus for a 10am appointment at health services to get referrals for PT. Then I went to my office across campus, another half mile or so, to meet with one of my undergrad learning assistants so we could go over the lab she was teaching Wednesday. Then I went to class, and then office hours, and then another class. And then I went to the lab to do two more PCRs. Missed the bus home by about 15 seconds, and even ran to try to catch it. Awesome. Studied till I went to bed super late.
Wednesday:
Woke up at 7am and left around 7:50 to get to my teaching lab at 8:30am. Taught lab till noon, and then went to the lab to redo the PCRs I did on Monday (forgot to dilute the dNTPs, GREAT!), and to study for my Thursday exam. Then, when I found out discussion at 4 was canceled, a bunch of us got together and got food before going to exam review. I stayed till about 6:10 and then got home around 7. Studied till late.
Thursday:
Was supposed to wake up at 6:30, but was so exhausted from studying, I woke up at 7. I somehow managed to get out the door by 7:20 and got to lab at 7:55. Taught lab till 11:30, but then stayed late to figure out what to do with a student who missed lab and couldn't do a make-up, but desperately wanted to. Went to class at 12:30, and then went to office hours, where I was so frazzled, I bombed at actually helping the one student who came by. I then studied with A. until 5pm, when we grabbed food before our 6pm exam. Took me about two hours to complete, but then I had to rewrite an entire booklet because MOLECULAR BIOLOGY. So I left around 9 and got home around 9:45. Celebrated by watching Psych.
Friday:
Woke up at 7:30, left at 8, to teach 9am lab (subbing for Ca., who's getting married). Then went to seminar at noon, and then prep from 1-2:30. Then grabbed lunch with K. and As., and hung out with K. until I had to leave for PT. At this point, of course, my calves were swollen solid, and my physical therapists were pretty shocked and concerned. So we mostly elevated, either with ice or heat, with only two activities, one of which was just stretching. I caught the bus home and got back around 7:15.
And now, I am so, so, so exhausted ...
Columbus Day. Rested most of the day, but then went to my rotation lab to do some PCRs. There was no T for about 30 minutes, so I gave up and walked to campus. After that, I went to a dinner party one of my classmates had. It was a BLAST. Then walked home from the Fenway at, like, 11pm, whoops.
Tuesday:
Up at 7am for 8am PT. Then I walked a mile and a half to campus for a 10am appointment at health services to get referrals for PT. Then I went to my office across campus, another half mile or so, to meet with one of my undergrad learning assistants so we could go over the lab she was teaching Wednesday. Then I went to class, and then office hours, and then another class. And then I went to the lab to do two more PCRs. Missed the bus home by about 15 seconds, and even ran to try to catch it. Awesome. Studied till I went to bed super late.
Wednesday:
Woke up at 7am and left around 7:50 to get to my teaching lab at 8:30am. Taught lab till noon, and then went to the lab to redo the PCRs I did on Monday (forgot to dilute the dNTPs, GREAT!), and to study for my Thursday exam. Then, when I found out discussion at 4 was canceled, a bunch of us got together and got food before going to exam review. I stayed till about 6:10 and then got home around 7. Studied till late.
Thursday:
Was supposed to wake up at 6:30, but was so exhausted from studying, I woke up at 7. I somehow managed to get out the door by 7:20 and got to lab at 7:55. Taught lab till 11:30, but then stayed late to figure out what to do with a student who missed lab and couldn't do a make-up, but desperately wanted to. Went to class at 12:30, and then went to office hours, where I was so frazzled, I bombed at actually helping the one student who came by. I then studied with A. until 5pm, when we grabbed food before our 6pm exam. Took me about two hours to complete, but then I had to rewrite an entire booklet because MOLECULAR BIOLOGY. So I left around 9 and got home around 9:45. Celebrated by watching Psych.
Friday:
Woke up at 7:30, left at 8, to teach 9am lab (subbing for Ca., who's getting married). Then went to seminar at noon, and then prep from 1-2:30. Then grabbed lunch with K. and As., and hung out with K. until I had to leave for PT. At this point, of course, my calves were swollen solid, and my physical therapists were pretty shocked and concerned. So we mostly elevated, either with ice or heat, with only two activities, one of which was just stretching. I caught the bus home and got back around 7:15.
And now, I am so, so, so exhausted ...
Friday, October 7, 2011
First rotation, first exam
Things have been quite hectic over the past week or so! I'm finding myself lapsing into particularly bad habits: staying up late, buying lots of junk food, leaving clothes on the floor, and ignoring mail and voicemails. It's not terrible yet, but I need to come out of this weekend on top of things.
I started my first rotation last week, and it's been going somewhat well. I dissected a mouse heart and isolated RNA from it. I then made cDNA from the RNA using an RT-reaction. I'm actually happy to start with something I'm already somewhat used to, not because it's "too" easy, but because it's a great way for me to get oriented in the lab. If I were starting with something I absolutely had no experience with, it would be harder for me to judge what parts of the protocol are "the way it's done," and what parts are "the way this lab does it."
I also had my first exam this week, on Wednesday. The second year grad students sort of scared us shitless about how difficult the exam would be, so I studied my ass off. It's yet another sign that I've been replaced with a pod person: I can't remember the last time I legitimately studied for a science exam. Oh, sure, in college, I'd spend maybe 10 minutes briefly looking over my messy notes, and then another hour flipping through the different chapters of the book, which of course I hadn't read. But I'd never read over my clean, re-written notes, re-read sections of the book which I'd already read, or memorized ... anything.
Sitting down to take the test, I was surprised to see that there wasn't anything on it that I hadn't heard of or thought about. That's different than finding the test easy; it required plenty of thinking, and I was definitely unsure of some of my answers. But there were no questions where I felt panicked or lost. A lot of the questions did involve using memorized material: draw structures of certain carbohydrates, draw these nucleotides/sides, write out this peptide sequence. But a lot of them also required that I just have an understanding of enzyme kinetics or lipid function.
After the test, about seven of us went out to the Sunset Cantina for drinks and bar food. It was an absolute blast (until I got home at about 8:45pm and learned that Steve Jobs had died--damn).
The next day, we still had class, and somehow, our professor had already graded all the exams. He was pleased with how we did, and no one failed. Apparently, a 75% is about an A-, which reflects the fact that 1) his tests are difficult, and 2) biochemistry is pretty damn complicated. I mean, I guess it doesn't matter that much to me in terms of just this test because, uh, I got 100%. I wonder if I can keep this up; I also got 100% and 105% on my first two molecular biology assignments.
Seriously. Pod person. Not shitting you.
This weekend is Yom Kippur and Columbus Day. I'll observe Yom Kippur by fasting, but I'll probably clean my room and work on the intro bio PowerPoint. I know that's not what I'm supposed to do, but honestly, it's an important holiday to me, and I don't really have a problem with repenting by doing work and chores. I will also be studying for our molecular biology exam that's Thursday evening. I feel less cool about this exam. Perhaps it's because I tend to text during class? Shhhh.
I started my first rotation last week, and it's been going somewhat well. I dissected a mouse heart and isolated RNA from it. I then made cDNA from the RNA using an RT-reaction. I'm actually happy to start with something I'm already somewhat used to, not because it's "too" easy, but because it's a great way for me to get oriented in the lab. If I were starting with something I absolutely had no experience with, it would be harder for me to judge what parts of the protocol are "the way it's done," and what parts are "the way this lab does it."
I also had my first exam this week, on Wednesday. The second year grad students sort of scared us shitless about how difficult the exam would be, so I studied my ass off. It's yet another sign that I've been replaced with a pod person: I can't remember the last time I legitimately studied for a science exam. Oh, sure, in college, I'd spend maybe 10 minutes briefly looking over my messy notes, and then another hour flipping through the different chapters of the book, which of course I hadn't read. But I'd never read over my clean, re-written notes, re-read sections of the book which I'd already read, or memorized ... anything.
Sitting down to take the test, I was surprised to see that there wasn't anything on it that I hadn't heard of or thought about. That's different than finding the test easy; it required plenty of thinking, and I was definitely unsure of some of my answers. But there were no questions where I felt panicked or lost. A lot of the questions did involve using memorized material: draw structures of certain carbohydrates, draw these nucleotides/sides, write out this peptide sequence. But a lot of them also required that I just have an understanding of enzyme kinetics or lipid function.
After the test, about seven of us went out to the Sunset Cantina for drinks and bar food. It was an absolute blast (until I got home at about 8:45pm and learned that Steve Jobs had died--damn).
The next day, we still had class, and somehow, our professor had already graded all the exams. He was pleased with how we did, and no one failed. Apparently, a 75% is about an A-, which reflects the fact that 1) his tests are difficult, and 2) biochemistry is pretty damn complicated. I mean, I guess it doesn't matter that much to me in terms of just this test because, uh, I got 100%. I wonder if I can keep this up; I also got 100% and 105% on my first two molecular biology assignments.
Seriously. Pod person. Not shitting you.
This weekend is Yom Kippur and Columbus Day. I'll observe Yom Kippur by fasting, but I'll probably clean my room and work on the intro bio PowerPoint. I know that's not what I'm supposed to do, but honestly, it's an important holiday to me, and I don't really have a problem with repenting by doing work and chores. I will also be studying for our molecular biology exam that's Thursday evening. I feel less cool about this exam. Perhaps it's because I tend to text during class? Shhhh.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Birthday awesomeness
My birthday was a week ago, but I've barely had time to breathe since then! Here's the rundown of the 25th birthday awesomeness.*
Woke up at 6:30am on ... not enough sleep and put on my awesome, pre-planned outfit. Easily got to campus on time and taught my lab; the students were awesome, which made my day. I then went to Starbucks and got the trifecta (80-cent black coffee in my caffeine-molecule mug, banana, pumpkin bread) and then ate it and called my mom. Then biochem class, which was uneventful, following by office hours, where I helped out two students and started grading assignments.
Then we did something hugely irresponsible ... A. was already with me in the office for office hours, and she and S. had bought a bunch of nips. S., C., Si., and At. came up to the office and we did shots/chasers. Si. made a CAKE for me and At., whose birthday had been about a week or so before. It was amazing!! And then, uh, we went to class.
Molecular biology has never been so fun before, and probably will never be as fun again.
After dinner, I met up with S. at a bar in Kenmore, and we hung out and chatted for a while before deciding we wanted to try another bar. We ended up at Boston Beer Works, where C. and then At. met up with us. I stuck with cider for the evening, but it was pretty satisfying. Got home around midnight and fell into bed.
The next morning, going to molecular biology discussion with a hangover wasn't very fun. I went from discussion to seminar to lab prep, and then to grading. On the way to the conference room where As., K., Ca., and A. were grading, I got an email with my rotations. I got all three that I wanted, and I would be starting with my top choice. Awesome!
After grading, I headed out to the Publick House to meet up with my friends Sc. and M., and M.'s husband I. We had fun eating, drinking, and being obnoxious. Way too much fun. I didn't plan on getting any work done when I got home, but somehow, I found myself copying my notes at, like ... midnight. I gave up around 1:30am when I was falling asleep at my desk, and the lovely upstairs neighbors woke me up when they got home around 2:30am. I slept pretty late, which was awesome (yay, sleeping late!) and pretty shitty (crap, where did my day go?).
I spent the entire day at my desk, grading. I think I was just super slow, or I must have been getting distracted a lot; it should not have taken me as long as it did to get it done. At 7:00pm, I gave up, showered, got dressed, and headed to two different housewarming parties. First, I went to my friend L.'s, and we chatted and drank wine while watching Mythbusters with her housemates and friends. Then I headed out to Kenmore to C.'s party, where I hung out with him and S. until about 2 am. S. was gracious enough to walk back to Coolidge Corner with me, which was badass awesome of her. I wasn't overly intoxicated, but it's a 40 minute walk, and there were some creepy guys out. A group of them tried to get our attention, and when we ignored them, they actually followed us for a bit.**
Sunday, I woke up late and graded before going out to lunch with my grandparents. It was hugely stressful trying to get to the restaurant; there was some bike race that had closed Storrow, but the police were actually closing side streets as we were driving. What?! We finally got to the Summer Shack and had an enjoyable lunch. I had way too much delicious fried food, mmmm.
After that, one of my high school friends, E., picked me up from Alewife and we went out to the boonies to my friend Cw.'s house, where we also met up with our friend Me. They were surprising me with my birthday activity, which turned out to be apple picking!! We headed out to the orchard in Stow and got a shitload of apples.*** When we got back to Cw.'s house, we heated up the dinner that Me. had cooked in advance, and she showed us how to make applesauce. It was delicious omg. After eating it with ice cream (YES, be jealous), Me., Cw., and I watched Tangled (E. had to go home, aw).
And then I got home around 10:30pm and stayed up till 1:00am getting my work done. I have been catching up ever since!
I am so grateful for the amazing birthday I celebrated. Everyone contributed to the wonderful time I had, four days running, and I definitely feel like 25 is going to be a good age for me. With some exceptions (successful surgery, getting into grad school), 24 has kind of been shitting on me, so I need some happiness!
* HOW AM I SO OLD
** This was entirely horrible, by the way. Who the fuck thinks it's acceptable to follow women at 2:30am, and heckle them, when they are clearly ignoring you because they don't want to deal with you right now? When people get all, "Sexism isn't a problem anymore," I want to bash them over the heads with examples like this, where it's just plain obvious how stupid some people are.
*** Scientific term.
Woke up at 6:30am on ... not enough sleep and put on my awesome, pre-planned outfit. Easily got to campus on time and taught my lab; the students were awesome, which made my day. I then went to Starbucks and got the trifecta (80-cent black coffee in my caffeine-molecule mug, banana, pumpkin bread) and then ate it and called my mom. Then biochem class, which was uneventful, following by office hours, where I helped out two students and started grading assignments.
Then we did something hugely irresponsible ... A. was already with me in the office for office hours, and she and S. had bought a bunch of nips. S., C., Si., and At. came up to the office and we did shots/chasers. Si. made a CAKE for me and At., whose birthday had been about a week or so before. It was amazing!! And then, uh, we went to class.
Molecular biology has never been so fun before, and probably will never be as fun again.
After dinner, I met up with S. at a bar in Kenmore, and we hung out and chatted for a while before deciding we wanted to try another bar. We ended up at Boston Beer Works, where C. and then At. met up with us. I stuck with cider for the evening, but it was pretty satisfying. Got home around midnight and fell into bed.
The next morning, going to molecular biology discussion with a hangover wasn't very fun. I went from discussion to seminar to lab prep, and then to grading. On the way to the conference room where As., K., Ca., and A. were grading, I got an email with my rotations. I got all three that I wanted, and I would be starting with my top choice. Awesome!
After grading, I headed out to the Publick House to meet up with my friends Sc. and M., and M.'s husband I. We had fun eating, drinking, and being obnoxious. Way too much fun. I didn't plan on getting any work done when I got home, but somehow, I found myself copying my notes at, like ... midnight. I gave up around 1:30am when I was falling asleep at my desk, and the lovely upstairs neighbors woke me up when they got home around 2:30am. I slept pretty late, which was awesome (yay, sleeping late!) and pretty shitty (crap, where did my day go?).
I spent the entire day at my desk, grading. I think I was just super slow, or I must have been getting distracted a lot; it should not have taken me as long as it did to get it done. At 7:00pm, I gave up, showered, got dressed, and headed to two different housewarming parties. First, I went to my friend L.'s, and we chatted and drank wine while watching Mythbusters with her housemates and friends. Then I headed out to Kenmore to C.'s party, where I hung out with him and S. until about 2 am. S. was gracious enough to walk back to Coolidge Corner with me, which was badass awesome of her. I wasn't overly intoxicated, but it's a 40 minute walk, and there were some creepy guys out. A group of them tried to get our attention, and when we ignored them, they actually followed us for a bit.**
Sunday, I woke up late and graded before going out to lunch with my grandparents. It was hugely stressful trying to get to the restaurant; there was some bike race that had closed Storrow, but the police were actually closing side streets as we were driving. What?! We finally got to the Summer Shack and had an enjoyable lunch. I had way too much delicious fried food, mmmm.
After that, one of my high school friends, E., picked me up from Alewife and we went out to the boonies to my friend Cw.'s house, where we also met up with our friend Me. They were surprising me with my birthday activity, which turned out to be apple picking!! We headed out to the orchard in Stow and got a shitload of apples.*** When we got back to Cw.'s house, we heated up the dinner that Me. had cooked in advance, and she showed us how to make applesauce. It was delicious omg. After eating it with ice cream (YES, be jealous), Me., Cw., and I watched Tangled (E. had to go home, aw).
And then I got home around 10:30pm and stayed up till 1:00am getting my work done. I have been catching up ever since!
I am so grateful for the amazing birthday I celebrated. Everyone contributed to the wonderful time I had, four days running, and I definitely feel like 25 is going to be a good age for me. With some exceptions (successful surgery, getting into grad school), 24 has kind of been shitting on me, so I need some happiness!
* HOW AM I SO OLD
** This was entirely horrible, by the way. Who the fuck thinks it's acceptable to follow women at 2:30am, and heckle them, when they are clearly ignoring you because they don't want to deal with you right now? When people get all, "Sexism isn't a problem anymore," I want to bash them over the heads with examples like this, where it's just plain obvious how stupid some people are.
*** Scientific term.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Birthdays and deathdays
On the evening before my 25th birthday, at 11:08pm, Troy Davis was executed.
There's a lot I'm feeling about this. I'd rather not go into tons of details about the case, which are widely available through online news and Wikipedia. The gist of it is that Troy Davis was tried and convicted in the murder of a policeman in 1989 based on witness testimony, and he was sentenced to death. One of the witnesses was a suspect in the same case, and seven more out of the nine total have recanted their testimony, citing police pressure as the reason for their testimony.
I have never felt good about capital punishment. I don't quite see how it actually makes any sense. Perhaps if we were absolutely sure of someone's guilt, with no evidence suggesting otherwise, overwhelming evidence suggesting truth, and no sign of remorse on the part of the person convicted, then maybe, maybe, I'd say ... "Maybe." Because even then, what good does it do?
The person murdered is still dead. Capital punishment is purely for revenge. "You did this, and now I'll make you pay."
So what happens when we're not absolutely convinced of guilt? In the case of Troy Davis, the people with the power to stop his execution acknowledged the lack of evidence for his guilt. They acknowledged it and didn't do anything about it.
His execution was scheduled for 7:00pm, but he sat on the gurney, with the needle in his arm, for hours, waiting for the US Supreme Court to save him. They did not. And no justice dissented. Before tonight, I considered Ruth Bader Ginsburg to be something of an idol for me. Now, I'm just too shocked to even process the complete lack of dissent.
And that was the night I went from disliking the death penalty to actively working to abolish it. I don't know what's so different this time; I've already known I've disliked capital punishment, but really didn't DO anything about it. But something's changed. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I have friends and acquaintances who have been sharing and retweeting the heck out of this case. Maybe it's because I'm no longer ignorant about so many issues.
Or maybe it's because those people in power, people who had the ability to grant clemency, knew there was doubt as to Davis' guilt. They acknowledged there was a good chance he was innocent. And they murdered him anyway. They did it anyway.
Meanwhile, I've turned twenty-five. I've had an extremely difficult week so far; major family illness, news of a friend's imminent deployment overseas, and now the government-sanctioned murder of a man who was likely innocent. I've been missing someone whose friendship I lost this summer, and I've been struggling to take care of my legs. All in all, I feel much, much older than twenty-five.
And this morning, I have to teach biology to some first-year students, many of whom might not even be aware of what happened last night. It's so strange.
It's difficult that I've just started my PhD, and now I want to run off and get my law degree so I can fix our broken justice system.
There's a lot I'm feeling about this. I'd rather not go into tons of details about the case, which are widely available through online news and Wikipedia. The gist of it is that Troy Davis was tried and convicted in the murder of a policeman in 1989 based on witness testimony, and he was sentenced to death. One of the witnesses was a suspect in the same case, and seven more out of the nine total have recanted their testimony, citing police pressure as the reason for their testimony.
I have never felt good about capital punishment. I don't quite see how it actually makes any sense. Perhaps if we were absolutely sure of someone's guilt, with no evidence suggesting otherwise, overwhelming evidence suggesting truth, and no sign of remorse on the part of the person convicted, then maybe, maybe, I'd say ... "Maybe." Because even then, what good does it do?
The person murdered is still dead. Capital punishment is purely for revenge. "You did this, and now I'll make you pay."
So what happens when we're not absolutely convinced of guilt? In the case of Troy Davis, the people with the power to stop his execution acknowledged the lack of evidence for his guilt. They acknowledged it and didn't do anything about it.
His execution was scheduled for 7:00pm, but he sat on the gurney, with the needle in his arm, for hours, waiting for the US Supreme Court to save him. They did not. And no justice dissented. Before tonight, I considered Ruth Bader Ginsburg to be something of an idol for me. Now, I'm just too shocked to even process the complete lack of dissent.
And that was the night I went from disliking the death penalty to actively working to abolish it. I don't know what's so different this time; I've already known I've disliked capital punishment, but really didn't DO anything about it. But something's changed. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I have friends and acquaintances who have been sharing and retweeting the heck out of this case. Maybe it's because I'm no longer ignorant about so many issues.
Or maybe it's because those people in power, people who had the ability to grant clemency, knew there was doubt as to Davis' guilt. They acknowledged there was a good chance he was innocent. And they murdered him anyway. They did it anyway.
Meanwhile, I've turned twenty-five. I've had an extremely difficult week so far; major family illness, news of a friend's imminent deployment overseas, and now the government-sanctioned murder of a man who was likely innocent. I've been missing someone whose friendship I lost this summer, and I've been struggling to take care of my legs. All in all, I feel much, much older than twenty-five.
And this morning, I have to teach biology to some first-year students, many of whom might not even be aware of what happened last night. It's so strange.
It's difficult that I've just started my PhD, and now I want to run off and get my law degree so I can fix our broken justice system.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Just about fall!
Friday's weather was absolutely gorgeous, and there's no question this weekend that fall is upon us. I love fall; without a doubt, it's my favorite time of the year. Some of my friends have been quick to point out that I'm somewhat biased, since my birthday usually falls on the equinox. That's probably true, but it's hard to find people who don't love fall weather. I'm one of those people who dislikes summer pretty intensely. This summer was a bit easier; I actually enjoyed my trips to Florida and California, and my brother's wedding was pretty awesome, weather-wise. But I love being able to step outside in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans and not sweat my ass off.
Plus, it just smells amazing. And so many great things come in the fall. The leaves turn, there are tons of apples (to be eaten with honey, of course), pumpkins are everywhere. Fall in New England is just plain awesome.
I'm in a plaid skirt and an argyle sweater, drinking cinnamon tea and enjoying the warmth of my space heater. Definitely, definitely fall!
This weekend has been mostly unproductive. I got most of my work done; it just didn't take as long as I thought it would. My PowerPoint for this week's lab is much shorter, and there's less to change about it this week. I do need to practice it, and I need to figure out what else I want to add to the lesson, like quiz questions. Reading is halfway done; I'm putting off reading molecular because the book isn't even required, and it's hugely boring. But I read for my pedagogy seminar and biochem, and I copied all of my notes.
As for adult responsibilities, it's also been a fifty-fifty weekend. Last night, I cleaned my room relatively thoroughly; I still need to find places for a ton of stuff I threw on my bookshelf, and I definitely didn't make sure my drawers were tidy. But my floor no longer has shoes and cardboard all over it, and I also vacuumed. I do need to do laundry, and I also really should go to the grocery store, both things I'm planning to do tomorrow evening when I get home from campus. Again, I should have done them today, which is why I feel unproductive.
Meanwhile, my body is struggling a bit. I'm elevating and icing my legs quite a bit, but it feels like such an uphill battle sometimes. I know that starting tomorrow, they're just going to swell up painfully again, and by my birthday, I'll have trouble getting my AMAZING new boots on.
But I also have to remind myself that they will heal. The horrible left interior incision is healing very nicely; it's still got a ways to go, but it looks so much better than it did even a couple weeks ago that I'm finally relaxing about it. So I have to remember that in a few weeks, I'll be running again, and the swelling will be less horrific. Slowly but surely, my legs will heal, and this will all be just a frustrating memory.
Finally, I'm coming down with my first cold of the school year. I had a ton of colds back in the winter and spring of this past year (four in a row starting on Thanksgiving; it was pretty miserable!). I'm trying to take care of this one, resting a lot and drinking lots of tea. I'll be sure to grab something with vitamin C in it tomorrow at the store, although I do wonder how vitamin C helps fight off colds. I learned in biochem that it's a hugely important coenzyme in the production of collagen. But I don't know if susceptibility to colds is really a symtpom of scurvy. I wonder!
Plus, it just smells amazing. And so many great things come in the fall. The leaves turn, there are tons of apples (to be eaten with honey, of course), pumpkins are everywhere. Fall in New England is just plain awesome.
I'm in a plaid skirt and an argyle sweater, drinking cinnamon tea and enjoying the warmth of my space heater. Definitely, definitely fall!
This weekend has been mostly unproductive. I got most of my work done; it just didn't take as long as I thought it would. My PowerPoint for this week's lab is much shorter, and there's less to change about it this week. I do need to practice it, and I need to figure out what else I want to add to the lesson, like quiz questions. Reading is halfway done; I'm putting off reading molecular because the book isn't even required, and it's hugely boring. But I read for my pedagogy seminar and biochem, and I copied all of my notes.
As for adult responsibilities, it's also been a fifty-fifty weekend. Last night, I cleaned my room relatively thoroughly; I still need to find places for a ton of stuff I threw on my bookshelf, and I definitely didn't make sure my drawers were tidy. But my floor no longer has shoes and cardboard all over it, and I also vacuumed. I do need to do laundry, and I also really should go to the grocery store, both things I'm planning to do tomorrow evening when I get home from campus. Again, I should have done them today, which is why I feel unproductive.
Meanwhile, my body is struggling a bit. I'm elevating and icing my legs quite a bit, but it feels like such an uphill battle sometimes. I know that starting tomorrow, they're just going to swell up painfully again, and by my birthday, I'll have trouble getting my AMAZING new boots on.
But I also have to remind myself that they will heal. The horrible left interior incision is healing very nicely; it's still got a ways to go, but it looks so much better than it did even a couple weeks ago that I'm finally relaxing about it. So I have to remember that in a few weeks, I'll be running again, and the swelling will be less horrific. Slowly but surely, my legs will heal, and this will all be just a frustrating memory.
Finally, I'm coming down with my first cold of the school year. I had a ton of colds back in the winter and spring of this past year (four in a row starting on Thanksgiving; it was pretty miserable!). I'm trying to take care of this one, resting a lot and drinking lots of tea. I'll be sure to grab something with vitamin C in it tomorrow at the store, although I do wonder how vitamin C helps fight off colds. I learned in biochem that it's a hugely important coenzyme in the production of collagen. But I don't know if susceptibility to colds is really a symtpom of scurvy. I wonder!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Week two over
It's about 12:30am on Friday night right now, and I'm totally wiped. But I figure I should summarize how the second half of my week went.
Wednesday was exhausting. Lab went all right in the morning, but not as well as it could have gone, or as well as I had hoped. My students seemed resentful and almost ... combative. Like, before we even DID anything. I also had one student show up 25 minutes late, and another student didn't show up. Awesome.
After lab, my legs were in awful shape, but I didn't feel like finding out how great or not-so-great health services would be. So I chilled in the lounge for a while, updating some important files. I met my friend M. for lunch at the pub on campus, which was really fun. By 3pm, though, I was nearly asleep on a couch. Teaching is exhausting!
I went and did my protein folding presentation at 4. I feel like I did an okay job--I'd give myself a B, maybe a B+. My classmates didn't seem to understand what I was saying, or maybe they just really didn't have many questions. The professor seemed to think I had done a good job, but I thought I was just highly disorganized. I hadn't practiced giving that talk, so I wasn't feeling prepared, even though I'd read the paper three times.
Then we had a break for about an hour, which was fun/relaxing, before heading into the seminar room for the final night of rotation talks. It went about a half hour over, so by the time I got home, I was practically crying I was so tired. Phew!
Thursday morning, I got to campus early to get the candy I bought for my kids out of the lounge, where I'd left it the afternoon before. Of course, it was locked. The candy is now in my office; I won't be locked out of there!
My Thursday morning lab is all freshman, and they're absolutely badass awesome. I can tell that things won't be perfect, but that these kids are definitely more eager to learn than the kids are in my Wednesday class. We were able to get more done in the lab, and they were much more engaged. Also, they thought I was funnier, so BAM. Awesome.
Of course, I left my prep packet in a field bag in the lab. I didn't have time to try to sneak in and get it by the time I realized it, but fortunately, the lab director was able to grab it for me. Phew!
Then I had class, followed by office hours. A. and I got caught in a huge downpour as we tried to run across the narrow street to get to our building. It's RIGHT across the street, but we got soaked! No one came to office hours, so we bummed around, eating candy. Afterwards, I went to get my packet, and then I bumped into my friend S. We ran to Starbucks to get some hot coffee for our next class, which was in a freezing lecture hall.* Lecture was ... not that interesting, but our little clique in the back had an all right time alternating between paying attention and ... not so much paying attention.
That evening, I didn't get as much work done as I'd hoped I would, although I did email the coordinator with my decisions about rotations (EEK!). As I struggled to get work done, my legs got worse, and even though I stayed up to ice, it didn't help much.
This morning, I got to campus around 9:45, but when I got to the weekly biology department brunch, all the coffee was gone (noooo!).** I hung around for an hour or so, and then went to Molecular Bio discussion. After that, we went to our weekly department seminar, and then A. and I headed over to do lab prep. We're doing Hardy-Weinberg next week, which means ... plastic beads ALL over the place! Woo.
After that, I went home for about an hour and a half before I went to physical therapy. We varied up my exercises today, although I still did the majority of my regular ones. The soft tissue massage was still excruciating, but I know it's necessary, and it definitely was shorter than it was last time. I then went to meet up with a friend at a bar, but she couldn't find her ID, so I went home. I've spent the night bumming around online because I have to elevate and ice my legs. So no desk for me!
* And when I say freezing, I mean I've heard stories of people's lips turning blue.
** And I even brought my new coffee mug with the caffeine molecule on it!
Wednesday was exhausting. Lab went all right in the morning, but not as well as it could have gone, or as well as I had hoped. My students seemed resentful and almost ... combative. Like, before we even DID anything. I also had one student show up 25 minutes late, and another student didn't show up. Awesome.
After lab, my legs were in awful shape, but I didn't feel like finding out how great or not-so-great health services would be. So I chilled in the lounge for a while, updating some important files. I met my friend M. for lunch at the pub on campus, which was really fun. By 3pm, though, I was nearly asleep on a couch. Teaching is exhausting!
I went and did my protein folding presentation at 4. I feel like I did an okay job--I'd give myself a B, maybe a B+. My classmates didn't seem to understand what I was saying, or maybe they just really didn't have many questions. The professor seemed to think I had done a good job, but I thought I was just highly disorganized. I hadn't practiced giving that talk, so I wasn't feeling prepared, even though I'd read the paper three times.
Then we had a break for about an hour, which was fun/relaxing, before heading into the seminar room for the final night of rotation talks. It went about a half hour over, so by the time I got home, I was practically crying I was so tired. Phew!
Thursday morning, I got to campus early to get the candy I bought for my kids out of the lounge, where I'd left it the afternoon before. Of course, it was locked. The candy is now in my office; I won't be locked out of there!
My Thursday morning lab is all freshman, and they're absolutely badass awesome. I can tell that things won't be perfect, but that these kids are definitely more eager to learn than the kids are in my Wednesday class. We were able to get more done in the lab, and they were much more engaged. Also, they thought I was funnier, so BAM. Awesome.
Of course, I left my prep packet in a field bag in the lab. I didn't have time to try to sneak in and get it by the time I realized it, but fortunately, the lab director was able to grab it for me. Phew!
Then I had class, followed by office hours. A. and I got caught in a huge downpour as we tried to run across the narrow street to get to our building. It's RIGHT across the street, but we got soaked! No one came to office hours, so we bummed around, eating candy. Afterwards, I went to get my packet, and then I bumped into my friend S. We ran to Starbucks to get some hot coffee for our next class, which was in a freezing lecture hall.* Lecture was ... not that interesting, but our little clique in the back had an all right time alternating between paying attention and ... not so much paying attention.
That evening, I didn't get as much work done as I'd hoped I would, although I did email the coordinator with my decisions about rotations (EEK!). As I struggled to get work done, my legs got worse, and even though I stayed up to ice, it didn't help much.
This morning, I got to campus around 9:45, but when I got to the weekly biology department brunch, all the coffee was gone (noooo!).** I hung around for an hour or so, and then went to Molecular Bio discussion. After that, we went to our weekly department seminar, and then A. and I headed over to do lab prep. We're doing Hardy-Weinberg next week, which means ... plastic beads ALL over the place! Woo.
After that, I went home for about an hour and a half before I went to physical therapy. We varied up my exercises today, although I still did the majority of my regular ones. The soft tissue massage was still excruciating, but I know it's necessary, and it definitely was shorter than it was last time. I then went to meet up with a friend at a bar, but she couldn't find her ID, so I went home. I've spent the night bumming around online because I have to elevate and ice my legs. So no desk for me!
* And when I say freezing, I mean I've heard stories of people's lips turning blue.
** And I even brought my new coffee mug with the caffeine molecule on it!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Two presentations, twice the fun!
Tomorrow is a huge day for me. It is the first day of my graduate student career where I have to actually present material. And I don't have to do it just once; I get to do two different presentations, in two different settings.
First up, I am teaching my first lab section tomorrow. My stress has more to do with knowing generally what to expect, rather than fearing the unexpected. I know it'll be tough to learn 21 names. I know people won't listen. I know they'll complain. I know that when I ask questions, they'll be sluggish and tired and non-responsive. I know that there'll be stragglers as we make our way to the Fens, and that some groups of students will just not work quickly enough to make all six plant identifications. I know that many of them will do a poor job on the homework.
That's where my stress comes from, or at least most of it. Otherwise, I feel ... okay. I feel as well prepared as I can be, although I suppose like any good/prepared teacher, I keep thinking I could do even more, or that I should do more.
So that'll be 3 hours. I'm actually mostly concerned about standing/walking for three hours. I haven't mentioned anything to the lab director, mostly because I really don't have a lot of options, and I'm generally able-bodied. I'm going to consider going to student health services after the lab is over. I don't really have any homework I can do during my break between lab and my afternoon class, and my legs are certainly going to be swollen very severely. I'm worried about explaining to health services that there's really no problem, and I just need to ice and elevate for a while, but there's no feasible way for me to bring my own ice.
I would consider that my legs might be fine, but after today, I doubt it. After physical therapy this morning, my calves were all right; we did some extremely painful massage to try to help get the fluid moving out.* But I ended up running late to class, which was hugely embarrassing, and I had to walk so quickly and purposefully, my calves were swollen as badly as they had ever been by the time I sat down at a desk. So I assume that 3 hours standing and walking is going to destroy them. Great.
I've got lunch with a friend at 2 (yay!), and then at 4, I have to present a paper on protein folding. I think I understand most of it, but like I said, the audience is completely different this time, and I no longer have authority. Hopefully, I'll impress my professor, and be able to get the paper's ideas across to my classmates. I just want to get it over with (and in 24 hours, it'll be over! Except that I'll have to get up even earlier in the morning to teach my second lab, whoops).
Meanwhile, I'm exhausted. For some reason, I couldn't sleep last night at all. I went to bed at 2 after cleaning and getting my work done, but then at 4, I gave up on sleep and did flashcards for a bit. I fell asleep around 5:30, and let myself sleep till 7:30 instead of 7. My sleep wasn't restful; maybe it was because it had taken me so long to fall asleep, but I kept waking up because of the people upstairs making noise. Not partying noise like Friday night; just your run of the mill "time to get up and go to work/school" noise. But still, assholes!
I managed to get through the day with just one coffee, and I also almost feel like I got a full night of sleep. However, this bodes poorly for tomorrow; usually the second morning after a bad night of sleep is the worst morning. And after a full day tomorrow (8:30am until 8:00pm with rotation talks; I'll be gone from 7:45am until about 8:30-9pm), I have to get up at 6:30 for an 8:00pm start time, and I go almost non-stop until 5pm. And Friday is 11-3/4, with 5pm PT.
I bet I sleep all day Saturday. Just sayin'.
* I have a super high threshold for pain, but I seriously felt like I was being tortured for information or something. It's all for a good cause, but eesh!
First up, I am teaching my first lab section tomorrow. My stress has more to do with knowing generally what to expect, rather than fearing the unexpected. I know it'll be tough to learn 21 names. I know people won't listen. I know they'll complain. I know that when I ask questions, they'll be sluggish and tired and non-responsive. I know that there'll be stragglers as we make our way to the Fens, and that some groups of students will just not work quickly enough to make all six plant identifications. I know that many of them will do a poor job on the homework.
That's where my stress comes from, or at least most of it. Otherwise, I feel ... okay. I feel as well prepared as I can be, although I suppose like any good/prepared teacher, I keep thinking I could do even more, or that I should do more.
So that'll be 3 hours. I'm actually mostly concerned about standing/walking for three hours. I haven't mentioned anything to the lab director, mostly because I really don't have a lot of options, and I'm generally able-bodied. I'm going to consider going to student health services after the lab is over. I don't really have any homework I can do during my break between lab and my afternoon class, and my legs are certainly going to be swollen very severely. I'm worried about explaining to health services that there's really no problem, and I just need to ice and elevate for a while, but there's no feasible way for me to bring my own ice.
I would consider that my legs might be fine, but after today, I doubt it. After physical therapy this morning, my calves were all right; we did some extremely painful massage to try to help get the fluid moving out.* But I ended up running late to class, which was hugely embarrassing, and I had to walk so quickly and purposefully, my calves were swollen as badly as they had ever been by the time I sat down at a desk. So I assume that 3 hours standing and walking is going to destroy them. Great.
I've got lunch with a friend at 2 (yay!), and then at 4, I have to present a paper on protein folding. I think I understand most of it, but like I said, the audience is completely different this time, and I no longer have authority. Hopefully, I'll impress my professor, and be able to get the paper's ideas across to my classmates. I just want to get it over with (and in 24 hours, it'll be over! Except that I'll have to get up even earlier in the morning to teach my second lab, whoops).
Meanwhile, I'm exhausted. For some reason, I couldn't sleep last night at all. I went to bed at 2 after cleaning and getting my work done, but then at 4, I gave up on sleep and did flashcards for a bit. I fell asleep around 5:30, and let myself sleep till 7:30 instead of 7. My sleep wasn't restful; maybe it was because it had taken me so long to fall asleep, but I kept waking up because of the people upstairs making noise. Not partying noise like Friday night; just your run of the mill "time to get up and go to work/school" noise. But still, assholes!
I managed to get through the day with just one coffee, and I also almost feel like I got a full night of sleep. However, this bodes poorly for tomorrow; usually the second morning after a bad night of sleep is the worst morning. And after a full day tomorrow (8:30am until 8:00pm with rotation talks; I'll be gone from 7:45am until about 8:30-9pm), I have to get up at 6:30 for an 8:00pm start time, and I go almost non-stop until 5pm. And Friday is 11-3/4, with 5pm PT.
I bet I sleep all day Saturday. Just sayin'.
* I have a super high threshold for pain, but I seriously felt like I was being tortured for information or something. It's all for a good cause, but eesh!
Monday, September 12, 2011
The over-achieving urge
It's baaaaaaaaack ...
When I was younger, I assumed that I would get the best grades I could. It just never occurred to me that anything less than the best was acceptable, or impossible. I would do all the homework, I would listen in class, and then I would get good grades. The end. There were some exceptions (I was never really exceptional at math league type stuff, and I did NOT understand analogies very well until high school), but in general, I was a top student. Then again, so were many people I knew, but that's just what was expected of us.
Somewhere in middle school, my drive sort of slowed. It wasn't that I wasn't doing well; I just started to procrastinate a lot. I never really learned how to take good notes or study. I still did my homework and did well, but the drive sort of died. In high school, I did pretty well--well enough to get into a great university, but some Cs started popping up on my report card. I don't know how I got through calculus; I retook every test, often gave up on the homework, and took the shittiest notes on the planet. But I got a 5 on the test, so ... I didn't learn my lesson.
I didn't not try in college. I worked relatively hard, but procrastination hounded me on a constant basis. I wrote papers the night before, no matter how long they needed to be, or how much work really needed to go into them.* I slept through large lectures, skipped half of my intro biology classes, and studied by panicking the night before the test and trying to read the textbook. I made Dean's List four out of eight semesters, but often didn't retain any information from any science classes. It was frustrating feeling like I didn't even know my own major.**
Work was a mixed bag. I often wasn't sure what was expected of me, and certainly did not go above and beyond when it came to organization or reading papers. Again, procrastination was a major problem. Once it was clear that my job was totally safe, I think I started do actually do better work, but I certainly no longer felt a lot of pressure.
But now, as a graduate student, I'm surprising myself with how much work I'm willing to do. We've had one week of classes, and I've been getting work done well ahead of time. I've been taking extremely detailed notes, and rewriting them. I did work all weekend (Friday night***, Saturday afternoon and night, Sunday afternoon and evening). I came home during the day today ... and got work done. I am actually feeling uncomfortable because I have to give a presentation on Wednesday on protein folding, and while I've been working on reading a very dense paper (essentially, that's what I'm presenting), I haven't yet prepared the presentation itself. In college, I wouldn't be reading this paper until maybe midnight tomorrow night, and I probably would take quick, embarrassingly bad notes to "present" on Tuesday morning, mere hours before the class.
I'm not sure sure where the drive came from. I haven't felt it in years, to the point where I don't remember when I last felt it. But I am determined to get an amazing grade on our first biochem exam, even though I just learned that the exams are so difficult that it's common for people to get a B grade with a 28%. Maybe it's because there are only five of us (nine total, including the other program) and if I don't do well, I'll feel embarrassed because it'll stand out. Maybe it's because I actually know some of the things I want out of life, whereas even thoughout college, I had no clear idea. Maybe it's because I'm disappointed in how I did in high school and college, and want my (hopefully) final leg of my education to go splendidly.
But either way, I feel guilty for stopping to even write this blog post. Wow, right?
* This includes my final project my senior year. It was a 35-page paper, which I wrote in one night and got a B+ on.
** Specifically, my biology major. I did very well (minus the final project) in women's studies. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the classes were actually harder than biology classes in a lot of ways.
*** Can I get a gil? (CA ARE YOU READING THIS.)
When I was younger, I assumed that I would get the best grades I could. It just never occurred to me that anything less than the best was acceptable, or impossible. I would do all the homework, I would listen in class, and then I would get good grades. The end. There were some exceptions (I was never really exceptional at math league type stuff, and I did NOT understand analogies very well until high school), but in general, I was a top student. Then again, so were many people I knew, but that's just what was expected of us.
Somewhere in middle school, my drive sort of slowed. It wasn't that I wasn't doing well; I just started to procrastinate a lot. I never really learned how to take good notes or study. I still did my homework and did well, but the drive sort of died. In high school, I did pretty well--well enough to get into a great university, but some Cs started popping up on my report card. I don't know how I got through calculus; I retook every test, often gave up on the homework, and took the shittiest notes on the planet. But I got a 5 on the test, so ... I didn't learn my lesson.
I didn't not try in college. I worked relatively hard, but procrastination hounded me on a constant basis. I wrote papers the night before, no matter how long they needed to be, or how much work really needed to go into them.* I slept through large lectures, skipped half of my intro biology classes, and studied by panicking the night before the test and trying to read the textbook. I made Dean's List four out of eight semesters, but often didn't retain any information from any science classes. It was frustrating feeling like I didn't even know my own major.**
Work was a mixed bag. I often wasn't sure what was expected of me, and certainly did not go above and beyond when it came to organization or reading papers. Again, procrastination was a major problem. Once it was clear that my job was totally safe, I think I started do actually do better work, but I certainly no longer felt a lot of pressure.
But now, as a graduate student, I'm surprising myself with how much work I'm willing to do. We've had one week of classes, and I've been getting work done well ahead of time. I've been taking extremely detailed notes, and rewriting them. I did work all weekend (Friday night***, Saturday afternoon and night, Sunday afternoon and evening). I came home during the day today ... and got work done. I am actually feeling uncomfortable because I have to give a presentation on Wednesday on protein folding, and while I've been working on reading a very dense paper (essentially, that's what I'm presenting), I haven't yet prepared the presentation itself. In college, I wouldn't be reading this paper until maybe midnight tomorrow night, and I probably would take quick, embarrassingly bad notes to "present" on Tuesday morning, mere hours before the class.
I'm not sure sure where the drive came from. I haven't felt it in years, to the point where I don't remember when I last felt it. But I am determined to get an amazing grade on our first biochem exam, even though I just learned that the exams are so difficult that it's common for people to get a B grade with a 28%. Maybe it's because there are only five of us (nine total, including the other program) and if I don't do well, I'll feel embarrassed because it'll stand out. Maybe it's because I actually know some of the things I want out of life, whereas even thoughout college, I had no clear idea. Maybe it's because I'm disappointed in how I did in high school and college, and want my (hopefully) final leg of my education to go splendidly.
But either way, I feel guilty for stopping to even write this blog post. Wow, right?
* This includes my final project my senior year. It was a 35-page paper, which I wrote in one night and got a B+ on.
** Specifically, my biology major. I did very well (minus the final project) in women's studies. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the classes were actually harder than biology classes in a lot of ways.
*** Can I get a gil? (CA ARE YOU READING THIS.)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Ten years, two towers
Ten years ago today, I was fourteen years old. It was the third or fourth day of my freshman year of high school. I had English class, then math class, and then band. At 10:30ish, it was time for lunch, so my friends and I went to the cafeteria.
There were televisions set up everywhere. At first, I thought it was maybe some weird thing the high school did every so often. But then I started to see what was on the TVs.
During that day, the worst parts were dealing with the shock and sadness of so much death and destruction, and the terrifying uncertainty. That is, we had no idea what was happening. Because the teachers I had that morning hadn't known that there was anything happening, I wasn't aware of anything either, until after all of the planes had crashed, and the two towers had collapsed.
I remember other things about that day. I remember feeling suffocated as I saw video footage of the billowy clouds of ashy debris rolling towards people, who were fleeing for their lives. I remember wondering if Boston might be next. I remember listening to the radio that night before bed, as I always did, and finding nothing but subdued talk on the airwaves. I remember one young man calling in to say that his father had died in his office at the Pentagon, and that he would be joining the army to avenge his father's death.
The hijackings on September 11th were devastating, and not just on that day itself. First responders are dying because of their efforts. Our military is fighting multiple illegal wars, which are bleeding us dry financially. Innocents are being tortured and killed. Islamophobia is rampant. Our country is incredibly divided. Our sense of safety has been lost.
I won't forget what happened. But I also hope that someday, hopefully soon, we'll finally start to heal. There will always be scars, but I would like to, one day, be able to look back at these ten years and say, "I remember when things were bad."
There were televisions set up everywhere. At first, I thought it was maybe some weird thing the high school did every so often. But then I started to see what was on the TVs.
During that day, the worst parts were dealing with the shock and sadness of so much death and destruction, and the terrifying uncertainty. That is, we had no idea what was happening. Because the teachers I had that morning hadn't known that there was anything happening, I wasn't aware of anything either, until after all of the planes had crashed, and the two towers had collapsed.
I remember other things about that day. I remember feeling suffocated as I saw video footage of the billowy clouds of ashy debris rolling towards people, who were fleeing for their lives. I remember wondering if Boston might be next. I remember listening to the radio that night before bed, as I always did, and finding nothing but subdued talk on the airwaves. I remember one young man calling in to say that his father had died in his office at the Pentagon, and that he would be joining the army to avenge his father's death.
The hijackings on September 11th were devastating, and not just on that day itself. First responders are dying because of their efforts. Our military is fighting multiple illegal wars, which are bleeding us dry financially. Innocents are being tortured and killed. Islamophobia is rampant. Our country is incredibly divided. Our sense of safety has been lost.
I won't forget what happened. But I also hope that someday, hopefully soon, we'll finally start to heal. There will always be scars, but I would like to, one day, be able to look back at these ten years and say, "I remember when things were bad."
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