Today (September 2nd) was "regular" orientation. I'm totally exhausted from it (well, from orientation and additional factors, but still), but I'm going to try to run through it as thoroughly as possible in this post.
I woke up around 8:20 and hopped in the shower. After I hopped back out, I did hair and make-up and got dressed. But I was very upset to see that the shower had done a number on my left interior incision, the one that looks like it's dying or something. I quickly slathered on some antibiotic cream and cocoa butter before sticking on gauze and wrapping it. I brought along another piece of gauze and my second ace bandage in case my right exterior incision got angry, but it ended up surviving the whole day.
I waited a few minutes for the bus before it arrived, and then took a relatively un-crowded C train to St. Mary's. I got a much needed coffee when I got there, before walking the rest of the way. I don't know why I didn't go to bed earlier last night. Perhaps I'm in denial about, uh, school starting? Either way, that was pretty stupid, so coffee was necessary.
I got to the room about 15 minutes early and sat with one of the TFs I'd met yesterday, Ca. More people arrived soon after; while I knew most of the people as fellow TFs, I hadn't met the rest of the biology department first years. We picked up folders with tons of information, including the requirements for which classes we would need to take, as well as the forms we'd need to fill out.
When everyone had arrived, we all introduced ourselves. I learned that I was one of five students in my program (and one of four PhD students), and all of us in the PhD program were TFs. Huh! We learned a bit about different aspects of the program and about all the paperwork we were going to fill out. We also got a rundown on all of the other tasks we had to complete (turning in enrollment forms, registering, getting our ID cards, swipe access, etc.). Finally, students in the other program broke off to go talk to their advisors, and the folks in our program met with some professors, who are going to be our temporary advisors for the next year. Mine is Dr. G. He signed me and A. up for our classes, which are Molecular Biology, Biochemistry, and the pedagogy course we have to take as TFs.
After that, we all headed to the office to get registered, and to get our office keys.* The line to get registered was pretty long, but we all hung out in the hallway and chatted. The students from the other programs all joined us. Then there was pizza/salad in the lounge, which was relaxing. Then A., C. (another PhD in our program), and I all headed to hand in our enrollment forms, and to get our IDs, as well as my T pass, and lots of coffee. My ID came out fantastic. Can I use this photo on my license? No? Are you sure?
There was a funny moment for me when I went to get my ID, though. I went up when it was my turn and gave the person my license to get my ID. She checked my info on the computer and asked if I had been a student there before. I was confused; did they think I was my sister, who is currently an undergraduate? But then she said it was back in 2003. That's when I did Tanglewood! I had totally forgotten. I'm not sure why that was an issue, but apparently, it was enough of an issue for the person to mention it. But not enough of one for me to not get my ID. Phew.
After I got my T pass, we grabbed delicious coffee. It was a gorgeous out all day, and we really enjoyed walking around during our break. It was interesting to see all of the undergraduates with parents; it just feels like such a lively campus. It made me feel so lucky and thrilled to be in Boston, starting my career. Plus, after sitting inside so much, it was pretty nice to be outside.
When we returned, it was time for the next pedagogy session. We handed in self-evaluations at the beginning, and then talked about teaching as a performance for a bit. We next did a strange exercise that was kind of fun/cute. We paired off, with each pair containing a "student" and a "teacher." We had five minutes, and the teacher had to instruct the student to duplicate a set of colorful shapes using a paper and markers. Neither the teacher nor the student could see each other's paper (so the student couldn't see what they should be drawing, and the teacher couldn't see how the student was doing). Finally, students couldn't ask questions.
I paired with a fellow TF, Aa. She was the teacher, and I was the student. Things started off a bit rocky, because it wasn't entirely clear how a set of shapes was a lesson plan. I ended up orienting my page wrong, but as we went along, I ended up getting some shapes pretty accurately. The result looks very first grade-y, so when we finished, I wrote my name and "class" in childlike handwriting and plan to give it to my mom as a joke. (UNLESS SHE'S READING THIS, in which case I didn't say anything, okay? There is no silly drawing. I promise.)
We then made lists of qualities that GREAT teachers have, and ones that AWFUL teachers have. You could tell as we were making the second list that we had specific teachers/learning experiences in mind. We were asked to think about the good qualities we have, but also the negatives ones we have, too. I know that I can be humorous and engaging, and that I care very much about my students, but I tend to be extremely disorganized, both in terms of lessons and, like ... being organized as a human being. So, will work on that.
Then we had safety training, which was incredibly fast-paced and only somewhat informative. But honestly, I know most of the stuff anyways, since I just worked in a BL2 lab for the past two years. I wrote down some of the numbers, though, since I need to mentally throw out the numbers from work and replace them with university ones.
But, I mean, I do know not to mouth pipette.
Afterwards, I stopped by my sister's apartment to say hi and see her awesome living space. It's HUGE! Her kitchen is nicer than mine! HOW. But we sat and chatted for about an hour, which was really nice. We may have played with fancy silly putty. I then headed out and met up with a friend of mine at one of our favorite pubs. By the time I got home, around 10:00pm, I wasn't just exhausted. My legs were pretty seriously swollen.
I futzed around with my Google Calendars, since otherwise I wouldn't have an idea of which lab sections I'll be able to teach, or when I'd be available for the pedagogy course over the next few weeks. I had a great laugh while I was reorganizing my calendars, though. I had written brief descriptions of all of my calendars, since I like to differentiate between work-related stuff and non-work stuff (e.g. work meetings vs. medical appointments). Most of the descriptions were boring and to the point, like "non-work appointments and meetings." But for the calendar "Gym," I'd written, "What's a 'GYM?'"
That's why I'm writing a blog. For some reason, I find myself laughing at some of the crap I've written.
But I managed to stop laughing at my own joke long enough to rename my calendars, mess around with the colors, and set up my schedule as I know it. It's pretty scary so far, and it doesn't include my soon-to-be decided lab sections or office hours, or the time we pick for the pedagogy course. And that's just stuff that meets every week, regularly; it doesn't include the time spent in my rotations, or all the hours I'll be working on lab prep.
Nor does it include things like physical therapy appointments, or time to go to the gym or go running.** Awesome.
I simultaneously feel overwhelmed and ready to take this all on. On the one hand, it's really pretty damn daunting. Without the TF responsibilities, the first year of grad school still wouldn't be easy. With rotations, you're pretty much working 40 hour weeks. Add the fellowship, and it's 60-70 hours a week. Add the paper I'm supposed to be writing, and BOOM, screwed.
But on the other hand, I remind myself of two very crucial things. The first, and the easiest to accept, is that I am not the first graduate student to go through this, and I won't be the last. People have come and gone before me, and they've managed this absurd workload during their first years. I'll manage, too. And the second crucial thing to remember is that I am extremely well-equipped to handle these responsibilities. Not only do I feel like I'll have an amazing support system at school, especially with my fellow CMTFs, but I also have a superb outside support system. I have great friends, both local and long distance, who can and will talk me through the hard times and celebrate the great ones. My family is around and extremely close-knit.
And as much as I've battled imposter syndrome in the past, I do know that I wouldn't have been accepted into this program if I weren't academically and professionally well-equipped. I'm certainly ready for benchwork; I won't be expected, as a rotation student, to have the level of skills I've been developing at work. I also have plenty of teaching experience, and while that does not mean I will be a flawless teacher, or that I don't feel seriously apprehensive about teaching undergraduates, I am not completely clueless about how to teach. My SAT prep job prepared me extremely well in this regard, which I'm grateful for.
Graduate school does present a challenge that I should have overcome years ago. I'm not sure what my excuse was back in high school or in college. Was it not as important for me to study and get amazing grades? Why didn't I manage my time better? Did I think that keeping my schoolwork and life in general organized was something that would magically come with adulthood? But I keep reminding myself: This will not be college all over again.
That means working to maintain a healthy (ish) sleep schedule. That means not doing that thing where I stay up until 2:00am, dicking around online, when I have to get up at 7:00am and work all day long. That means actually and actively studying, in a timely manner, and not waiting until the last minute to do readings or assignments. That means running errands on time, and avoiding the inevitable, "I have nothing appropriate to wear teach my lab today because it's been five weeks since I did laundry." That means setting aside time to run.
I think I can do it. I hope I can do it. This program isn't just the start of my career. In a lot of ways, even though I already spent two years being an "adult," I think I might actually, you know, grow up.***
* I have an office WTF (we all share an office, but I actually think that's even cooler right now)
** This is why I have a Google calendar for "Gym." I have to schedule in gym/running, or I won't always do it. It's worth noting, though, that when I first started running, I didn't need to schedule it. It wasn't until I was hit with compartment syndrome, and I was no longer enthusiastic about running, that I had to schedule it. It wasn't very effective, not because I hated going to the gym, but because it's discouraging when you're terrified of your symptoms kicking in.
*** Well, I don't think I'll ever be the most mature person on the planet. Understatement.
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